Trigeminal Neuralgia – Officially an Underlying Diagnosis for MBHM

It has taken me a while to gather my thoughts enough to sit down and write this. I feel I should dive in and just say it, and then ramble about after. I also feel that just saying it here makes it final and real, and perhaps that is why I have been putting it off.

On November 3rd, my neurologist declared that given my pain history and my response to Oxcarbazepine, that Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN2) is an underlying cause for my Monster Migraine. The TN2 continually triggers migraine symptoms, and everything keeps cycling, and this is why nothing has been successful.

This diagnosis means a few things. First, it means that I have a reason for my pain. Second, it means that I have a community of sufferers to join and learn from. Third, it means that I have a disease that currently has no cure. Fourth, it means that there are new treatment options open to me that, if successful, may lead to a better quality of life than I am currently living.

And, lastly, it means that I have gone from hoping that my pain will one day end to realizing that my pain is something I will have to manage for the rest of my life.

That last thing has been difficult to process. I have cried. I have been angry. I have acted rashly, or hyper-rationally… or something. I have turned to treatment options I have previously refused because I saw them as too painful or too pointless. I began acupuncture this past Friday and am going to see my acupuncturist twice a week until I see some results. I am going to turn to outside-the-box pain medications.

I have launched my own, personal war on Trigeminal Neuralgia.

I have curled into a ball and hidden under blankets.

I have talked to friends.

I have avoided friends.

I have felt relief.

I started a secret self care group on Facebook for when I have feelings and I need some kind of support. I started writing in a journal. I started falling apart. I started getting my shit together.

I definitely started forgiving myself for some things.

I have a disease, and that makes my head hurt all of the time and fires up ye aulde migraine making machine constantly. Fuels it. Makes it glow red hot.

Cool. So there is that.

My Perfectly Okay Codependent Relationship… with My Dog

Meet Oliver:

Terrible doggie

Oliver Wilkes Dogg (Puggle extraordinaire) is my non-human life partner and we have a codependent relationship. We are not ashamed. Oliver is the literal reason that I get out of bed in the morning (around 9 when he wants to go out after his post-breakfast nap.) Oliver is the reason I get exercise (because I have to race through the house telling him not to pee on something before I can get him outside.) Oliver is my napping buddy. Oliver is a source of joy and laughter and unconditional affection. Oliver is terrible in the best way.

Oliver eats our underwear. Oliver unabashedly goes to the bathroom as a means of punishing us for wrongs we don’t know we’ve committed. Oliver carries the skins of his stuffed animal victims around with him. Except Burnie, Oliver loves his dragon, Burnie, and has left him mainly intact.

Oliver eats like a goat… paper towels, tissues, any kind of food, plastic, money hair accessories, or bath accessories. You name it, Oliver has swallowed it whole and lived to tell the tale in the voice that we use to talk for him.

Oliver sleeps like this:

Sleeping terrible doggie

… especially when we’re upset with him.

Or like this:

Doggie tongue

… because he is a master manipulator and uses his powers of puppy-face against us so we don’t kill him.

Oliver is my best friend. When my head hurts, Oliver says, “Mama and I have a migraine,” and he curls up under the covers and naps all day with no complaints. When I’m upset, or having a really bad pain day, he puts himself across my body like a seat belt and keeps me warm and secure. He isn’t afraid of my meltdowns. He doesn’t mind that sometimes I’m not in the mood for his whimsy. He just carries on being whimsical at me until I am in the mood. He licks my feet when they are freezing. He gets his one kiss a day. Petting him makes me feel nice. I have trouble sleeping when he is elsewhere.

I have a codependent relationship with my dog, and that’s okay.

Trigeminal Neuralgia & a Better Day

I woke at 5:30 this morning. As always, I stayed very still as consciousness slipped into my body. As always, I waited for the pain to wake up and spread through my head like a hot poker. The pain wakes up 1-2 minutes after I do. Some miracle of body chemistry keeps me from feeling anything for a moment or so. This moment is both my favourite and most hated time of day. For a moment I am pain free. For a moment I am terrified that the pain will start and be worse than it has been before. For a moment… I am frozen.

This morning, as I waited for the pain to burn through me, I thought about how my pain has aged me. I thought about the bags under my eyes. I thought about my skin and my hair that falls out in clumps. I thought about the weight all of the stress and medication have caused me to gain. Then the pain hit, starting from my left eye and radiating outward, across my forehead and scalp, down my neck, into my shoulders. It’s an evil feeling. It’s like being afraid of the bogeyman, arm hairs on end, knowing he’s real but also knowing no one can see him.

But this morning my bogeyman was less frightening.

It has been approximately 10 months since I experienced anything close to a decent pain-level day. It has been exactly one month since I began taking medication intended to rule out Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN). Today, my pain level is a 6. This past Thursday, I experienced a level 5 pain day.

I can’t express how amazing this is.

My neurologist was not able to rule out type 2 TN at our consultation last month. Her only solution was to put me on the medication most commonly used to treat TN, Oxcarbazepine (OXC) and  wait for improvement. OXC, also known as Trileptal, is an anti-seizure medication. My dosage started at 300 mg per day and was then increased to 600 mg per day two weeks later.

Granted, I received a Botox treatment the same day I began taking the medication. It is highly possible that the Botox is the reason for my random better pain level days. Two good days out of an 8-10 month period is not a trend. It is an anomaly.

A very welcome anomaly.

Having a better day, not a good day, but a better day makes me want to accomplish things. Unfortunately, the best way for me to keep my Monster Migraine tamed is to rest and avoid over-exerting myself. A better day merely means a more restful day.

A very welcome anomaly.

Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN Shirts!

Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN Tee

You’ve been asking for them, now they’re here! Get the new Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN tee, tank, or hoodie now available in BLACK. This shirt is dedicated to all of the light-sensitive chronic pain sufferers. But you don’t have to have a neurological condition, migraines, or psychological distress to buy a shirt, this design looks great on everyone!

Support My Brain Hates Me and help my brain hate me less. Get yours today! 

“How Are You?”

Being asked how I am is a difficult question to answer depending upon the person asking. If it’s an acquaintance, I typically say, “I’m hanging in there,” or “I’m living.” If it’s a closer friend, I might talk about whether I’m having a bad day or a worse day or if I’m feeling down about things.

If it’s my husband or my son, I might outright lie and say I’m fine.

It’s difficult to subject your family to your chronic pain condition day after day. Although I know that it’s not beneficial to anyone to hide my symptoms and try to power through, I also know how heart breaking it is to see how bummed out they are when I’m curled up in pain.

I spend far too much energy trying to act normal for my family so that they will act normal around me, and it’s counter-productive. What I really want is for my family to understand my condition and my medications and my pain levels and see what’s going on with me as a legitimate problem. Instead, this tendency I have to mask it so that they aren’t made uncomfortable blocks me from receiving a lot of the compassion that I need to get through.

Basically, my it’s an emotional nightmare in my home and I feel fully responsible. I know I’m not fully responsible, but I have guilt issues that cloud everything in a haze of, “IT IS YOUR FAULT! DON’T LET OTHERS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!”

How am I? I hurt. A lot. With the exception of this past Friday, I haven’t been below an 8 on the pain scale in 8 months. I’m tired all of the time, and my new medication makes me go to sleep during the day. I have nightmares when I do sleep and wake up in pain. I dream about my pain. I’m constantly anxious and worried. I’m sad. I’m depressed. I cry daily because I hurt and because I’m tired and because I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I think a lot about how nice it would be to never wake up again. Right now, things are ugly in my house and I am very lonely. I’m trying to arrange time with friends to counter that, but I lack a lot of energy or desire to actually be around people. I feel trapped because it’s become very difficult to drive. I feel trapped because my marriage is strained and I don’t know how to fix it or if it can be fixed. I feel trapped because I spend most of my time in my bedroom.

I know that feeling trapped is a symptom of depression. One-sidedness is a symptom of depression. Everything is a symptom of depression.

How I am is not good. How I am is trying really hard and failing. How I am is distraught.

I talked to my son yesterday about his perception of what I’m going through. He just came back from a road trip with another family and he said it was so weird to do things. They just did stuff, like normal people. We don’t do things as a family. He said they didn’t argue, they just did things and had fun. I told him that sounded nice. He says he understands what’s wrong with me, but that he hopes they find a way to fix me soon so that I don’t have to hurt so much and so that my husband and I will fight less.

It breaks my heart that I can’t give him great family experiences and that the thing he thinks about when he thinks about his family is that his mother is in pain and his parents argue.

How do I make things better? I really have no clue. I keep trying all of the tips and tricks I read about in books and online. I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted and I feel so persona non grata in my own home.

What’s the Deal with Reiki?

A good friend of mine recently became attuned in the first level of Reiki and offered me a session. She knows about the amount of pain with which I live. I spent a few hours with her this past Friday and it was interesting and relaxing, and definitely worth sharing with you.

What is Reiki?

Reiki describes both the process a practitioner uses to channel energy through a patient with little to no touch, and the energy itself. According to Reiki.org, Reiki is a kind of life force energy that clears the spiritual pathways of the body and to which practitioners must be attuned. A Reiki Master must train new practitioners to sense and manipulate this specific energy.

Does Reiki Interfere with Current Medical Treatments?

Reiki is about mindfulness and spirit and energy manipulation. It doesn’t affect any medications or treatments or care that you’re currently under. It’s a complimentary treatment. Reiki can be intensely emotional, however, so it is important to listen to the practitioner’s messages before an after your session. The practitioner should make themselves available for any questions. It is not covered by insurance.

The Preliminaries

My practitioner showed up on time, in scrubs, with her hair pulled back in a neat pony tail, with a travel case rolling along behind her. We hadn’t seen on another in a long time, so we embraced and exchanged our hellos and experienced the chaos that is my dog.

I had her set up in my living room. She had a massage table, which she covered with soft blankets and a sheet. She asked me if I had a preference about music that I like to listen to when I relax, and I let her choose something. I’m not picky. Any ambient music will do for me. She used her phone to stream music, and even brought her own speaker.

While she was setting up, she had me fill out paperwork that asked for information about my conditions and current medications and the standard contact information. Then she had a second sheet that she went over with me that covered topics such as what I’d like to address, what was my spiritual life is like, and if there were any other areas on which I’d like her to focus. She then asked if smell bothered me because she occasionally burns sage. Sage is fine for me. Before we concluded the paperwork she stated that she is in training and that she is not supposed to touch me. I granted her permission to place her hands on me because I know her and the session was as much for her to practice her craft as it was to help me. I’m comfortable with her. I merely asked that she be gentle with my head.

What My Reiki Session Was Like

I climbed onto the table and had a pillow under my head as well as under my knees to support my lower back. I closed my eyes and heard her scurry about me. She advised me that I might hear her write things down or turn pages while she worked. She let me know that she would give me quiet forewarning before she did anything so that there were no surprises.

She asked me to think positively and in specific ways. For example, she asked me to think things like, “I am healed,” as opposed to, “I will be healed.” Reiki focuses on the present. She also asked me to avoid mental thoughts like, “I am not in pain.” “Not” is a negative. I replaced that phrase with, “I feel good,” and tried to repeat the phrase over and over during the session.

She opened our session officially with a prayer.

Then the fun began.

I consider myself something of an Episcopagan. I’m a Christian but I was also Wiccan for a decade. I was obsessed with the paranormal and psychic phenomena as a kid and I have always had crystals and paid attention to my instincts. The next thing that happened was peculiar, but not entirely surprising, given the nature of the work she was doing. She asked if sound bothered me. I said that I should be okay. She then rang a chime in different places throughout the room to “raise the vibrations,” and I began to feel extreme pressure between my eyebrows. This is the spot I associate with my Third Eye. It was as if the chimes were waking something up in my body that hadn’t been awake for a very long time.

It was pretty cool.

I heard her warming her hands, which is a sound I’m familiar with from my time with massage and physical therapists. Then I began to feel a different kind of pressure building inside the center of my brain. It was as if something was trying to push its way in, or as if a balloon were inflating in my head. It wasn’t painful, mainly invasive. She then lightly placed her hands over my ears, forehead, and the crown of my head, spending several minutes at each.

After spending most of her time with my head, she then moved down the left side of my body, gently placing her hands at my shoulder and elbow, then elbow and wrist. It continued like this, drawing energy down the left side of my body in the path of my circulation down the left, then back up the right side of my body. She ended by focusing over my torso.

After the Session

When I was ready I moved back to my sofa and we chatted about what she found. She told me that my spiritual side, the left, was fine, but that my right side… the side with all of the yucky things that happen in life, was murky. She said I needed to laugh more. She asked me about some things in my past and present that aren’t common knowledge. All in all she was perceptive, professional, and compassionate.

Is Reiki for You?

Unlike massage and acupuncture and chiropractic treatments, Reiki is non-invasive. It comes from a place of love and compassion and spirituality. You don’t have to believe in it for it to work, but as my friend told me, it helps. The worst that can happen is that you get to relax for a while in a comfortable, quiet place with someone watching over you and wishing you well.

Will I Try It Again?

Yes. I need positive people and forces in my life in different shapes and forms. Spiritual healers who are also my friends? Bonus.

Image courtesy of http://www.healingpausepaws.com/

8 Ways to Distract Yourself from Your Chronic Condition

No matter what you’re going through, be it depression, a chronic condition, or just a rough patch in your life, it’s important to give your mind and body a break now and then. A friend of mine, who is a Reiki practitioner, was over to do a session with me this past week. She told me that I needed to laugh more. I think this is true for all of us. As she said, as so many have said, “laughter is the best medicine.”

I think that laughter is a powerful form of distraction, the most powerful in fact. There are other ways to take a brief vacation from mental and biological negativity, however. Here’s are some things to try:

  1. Laugh. It’s not always as simple as just laughing. I get that. But what are some things that make you laugh? Silly movies? Ridiculous cat pictures? Baby animals? People falling down? Do you have a friend who always makes you smile? You used to laugh, and you need to do it more. Laughing hurts less than crying.
  2. Get creative. I learned to play the ukulele after I became disabled. It’s something I can do with my hands that doesn’t require thinking. I can play happy things or sad things. The point is that, while I’m playing, I’m not thinking about how much I hurt. I also draw and embroider. If you have a condition that limits your fine motor skills, there is always finger painting. I’m serious. Get messy! Make something! I shared the story of a woman I met at the Jefferson Headache Center who makes rubber band bracelets on a loom. She can only manage the energy to work on one for 15 minutes, but that’s enough time to finish. At the end, she’s happy to have a new bracelet. I have friends who are talented crafters, photographers, performers, and musicians… and all of them struggle with something.
  3. Learn something. Sometimes it’s hard to feel passionate about anything at all when you lack hope about the future. However, I bet there’s something you’ve always been curious about. Depening upon the severity of your condition and the level of your daily function, your ability to spend time with friends or dedicate a lot of energy to projects may be limited. But your mind still works, and it’s aching to be used and kept spry. From puzzles to out an out research on a topic to free online courses to actually enrolling in an online university… there are many ways to pursue knowledge and keep your brain in shape. Do you love science? History? Philosophy? Embrace your hunger for knowledge and force the spark for learning. The more you look into a topic, the more you might find you want to know. Not only will this give you something to talk about other than your condition (which is just a fact of life when you have anything with the word “chronic” in front of it), it will make you feel good about yourself.
  4. Netflix/Podcast binge. Yes, I said it.Binge. I know that studies have shown that a binge on shows can lead to negative emotional whatever. Fine. But you know what a binge does for me? It passes the hours upon hours that I spend in bed where I am absolutely unable to do anything other than just be in bed in pain. I can’t even look at the television, but I can listen to it. And if the light bothers me too much, podcasts are a beautiful thing. I spend hours alone while my family is at work and school. Having human voices around is nice. I can’t be productive, but I can listen to/watch things that interest me or comfort me. I can learn, I can laugh, I can feel uplifted… all from the comfort of my fetal position.
  5. Listen to music. Bob Marley said, “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” I choose to take that in a lot of ways. Music is soothing, there’s no doubt about it. Your favourite tunes can elicit all kinds of memories. Actively creating music by playing an instrument or singing, and listening to music are both equally as restorative. You don’t have to listen to light, fluffy music. If you’re angry about what you’re going through, you might feel better if you listen to some angry music. Get it out. It’s okay to feel what you feel. You have every right to be upset about what’s happening to your mind and body. This list isn’t about sugar-coating your condition. It’s about distracting you.
  6. Do stuff with friends. This is a tricky one. Friends can be a double-edged sword. Your good friends who understand what you’re going through will treat you like a human being and not like a fragile doll. Everyone else might be weird around you and that might be unpleasant. Chronic conditions really show you who will stick by you, and you’ve lost people and made new friends a long the way. My husband and I have worked hard to construct a social life that brings the party to us yet allows me to rest and slip away if I need to. We have people over to our house, we ask friends to help with the set-up and clean-up. We make them potluck events so we aren’t doing a lot of the work. I have friends over for show marathons and silly sleep overs. I wear my pajamas because it’s my damned house. My friends are cool with this. They get it. My friends understand that I can’t always drive. We do ridiculous, silly things. It’s all about finding the right people to spend time with.
  7. Get physical. I don’t mean exercise. You should do that too. I mean touch someone, or have them touch you. Massage, caresses, tickling, even intimate touch can be a great distraction. It doesn’t have to be sexual. As much as I hate to admit it, when I’m having a horrible pain day, it’s pretty awesome when my dog licks my feet. I frequently ask my husband to touch my back lightly. Simply being touched on a part of my body that doesn’t hurt is a great distraction. When I’m home alone, I use a soft ball to apply pressure to sore points on my back. Tennis balls work too. Heating pads and ice packs help draw my attention away from my pain. It’s all about pulling my attention elsewhere.
  8. Meditation and breathing exercises. If you live with chronic pain or depression and you aren’t already meditating or practicing controlled breathing on a regular basis, now is the time to start! Introducing calmness into your world is important for your mental and physical health. I’m not going to try to pitch it to you. I’m just going to tell you that I meditate and I use breathing exercises and they help me immensely. I think they could be good for you and you should give them a shot. That’s just my opinion. Here are some great resources to try if you need some help:

MBHM Monster Brain Shirt

My son just got back from a three week jaunt across the US. We spent the evening around the fire pit, and then he wanted to take a real shower. After weeks of camp site showers, I don’t blame him. When he came out, he was wearing his MONSTER BRAIN tee! It’s so nice to have him home. it’s been lonely around the house during the day. My dog doesn’t talk back (much.)

You can get your own MONSTER BRAIN tee here! 

Enjoy the day!

Happy Painiversary, My Brain Hates Me!

MBHMlogo

Happy 3rd Painiversary, My Brain Hates Me!

In 2012, something started going wrong with my head. On August 7th, 2012, after my first productive and full day of work in a long while, I went home, sat down in my kitchen, and my head started hurting again. It never stopped. That day was both the last day I remember feeling good, and the beginning of my Monster Migraine.

It’s been a long, depressing, painful, maddening three years. There’s nothing happy about living with chronic pain. There’s nothing fun about being buried under tons of medical debt. There is no reason to celebrate today.

However, I’m alive. I’m alive and you’re reading this. Maybe your body has betrayed you in some way. Maybe someone you know lives with pain. Maybe someone you know thinks a little differently. Maybe you think a little differently. You’re alive too. We’re getting through the day.

This isn’t a joyous day for me, but it’s also not the end of the world. I live in the 8-10 pain range. all of the damned time. Yesterday, I had Botox treatment and a lot of new things were discussed at my appointment. I sleep sporadically. I’m grumpy frequently. I’m pretty darn depressed. I do have a family that loves me, though, and a ridiculous dog, and a roof over my head. Things could always be worse.

Therefore, on this day of sarcastic remembrance, I shall embrace the fact that I have grown as a person because of my pain and that I have accomplished some good things because of my pain, and that not everything is horrible.

Thank you for reading over the past few years, and for continuing to read in the years to come. You’re rad, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love Your Friendly Neighborhood Pain Grump,

My Brain Hates Me

The Day of Reckoning for My Brain Hates Me- TN or Not TN?

Earlier this week, I discussed the “Suicide Disease” and why I hope I have it, and today I saw my beloved local neurologist and I was prepared to ask my questions.

Let me first say that I was there to receive a Botox treatment, something that I’ve had countless times, and something that has become old hat. It was something of a surprise when my doctor opened with, “some patients who have received Botox injections in their neck have died of pneumonia. I just wanted to let you know. No one with your condition has died, and we don’t know if it’s truly linked.”

When your medical appointments start off with needles in your face and your doctor telling you how other people have died from the thing that she is in the process of doing to you… you don’t have the warm fuzzies. But this is the sort of relationship my doctor and I have. There is no bullshit in the exam room.

Trigeminal Neuralgia – Check Yes or No

I let her know that I had two questions for her about some research I had done. Obviously, the huge question was, “can you rule out Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN)?”

The short answer is that my doctor can’t rule it out. The long answer is that if it is in fact an underlying cause for the pain I am in, I still have Status Migrainosus with refractory/intractable migraine and the TN doesn’t change that… merely gives us different treatment options. My MRIs have been clean, so I don’t have a trigeminal tumor. Therefore, the only course of action to determine if I have TN is to take the medication used primarily to treat TN, Oxcarbazepine.

Oxcarbazepine is an anti-seizure medication, like Topamax, and, like Topamax it is supposed to slow cognitive processing. It’s knon as a mood-stabilizer, however it has the standard suicidal-thought warnings as all anti-seizure medication. The really fun things about Oxcarbazepine are the dangerous side effects. It can cause bone marrow suppression and possibly a deadly rash! Exciting! Those side effects are rare. Medications are awful and to do good things for one part of your body they often have to destroy another part of your body. Topamax has been killing my kidneys for years. So far Oxcarbazepine makes me very, very dizzy (after two doses), but I’ve had no pain relief.

If the medication reduced my pain, then I have TN. If it doesn’t, well. I’ll stop taking it.

The Mother Fucker Gene

My second question had to do with the MTHFR gene, which I affectionately call the Mother Fucker gene. MTHFR, the methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR) gene, has been linked to a variety of medical disorders. A mutation in this gene causes vitamins not to be processed properly and then migraines can happen. I asked if I should be tested for the mutation and if there were any existing gene therapies worth exploring.

My doctor informed me that insurance typically doesn’t cover genetic testing of this nature, and that there aren’t existing therapies. I’ve done some reading, and there are specific supplements you can by that cater to the mutation, but there is little to no research speaking to there effectiveness. Most of the success stories are word-of-mouth. What did come out of this conversation with my doctor, and what I find most interesting and most terrifying, is the MTHFR’s link to PFO.

PFO, or patent foramen ovale, is a hole in the heart that didn’t close after birth. This defect in the heart is strongly linked to migraine, so much so that my doctor recommended an echocardiogram as soon as I brought up MTHFR. Her reasoning is that given my history and family history, it’s likely that I have the mutation, and that the echocardiogram is a painless stopgap. The worst case is that we discover the hole. If we do, she recommends the hole be closed because it might just help me feel better.

There are No Stupid Questions

I’m glad I asked my questions because there is now at least some momentum in my treatment. I can’t say whether it is forward momentum. My doctor also did a ton of blood work. I feel like this was the creative, out-of-the-box thinking she needed. I think she and I both admit that we’ve been stuck. We haven’t known what to do. There’s tons of new research, but what do you pick to try? And how do you broach the subject?

You ask questions.

Special Offer for My Brain Hates Me Readers!

Reader Discount!

I designed the “Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN” shirt for a few reasons. First, a friend of mine thought that the MONSTER BRAIN shirt in “sand” was a bit sadistic on my part. Second, black goes with everything. And lastly, I wanted a tribute to anyone who suffers from light sensitivity due to migraine or other neurological issues.

Also, I wouldn’t mind putting my MONSTER BRAIN to bed every once and a while and getting some rest.

Buying one of my shirts directly helps me pay medical debt, fill my next prescription, replace ice packs, and allows me to keep this blog going. While the blog is absolutely the least important thing on that list, it might be the most important to you… because here you are, sharing my journey.

If you’re like me, and you’re under the dictatorship of a chronic condition, maybe you can’t afford a shirt. That’s okay. I’d still appreciate it if you’d share my shirts with your friends. Heck, you can even pass along this discount!

Enjoy the shirt. Thank you for reading, commenting, supporting, and living.

Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN Shirts Now Available!

Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN Tee

You’ve been asking for them, now they’re here! Get the new Lights Out, MONSTER BRAIN tee, tank, or hoodie now available in BLACK. This shirt is dedicated to all of the light-sensitive chronic pain sufferers. But you don’t have to have a neurological condition, migraines, or psychological distress to buy a shirt, this design looks great on everyone!

Support My Brain Hates Me and help my brain hate me less. Get yours today! 

I <3 My MONSTER BRAIN Tank So Hard

Goofing around while attempting to take a picture to send to Cefaly to go along with my little interview. I got a picture of me in my MONSTER BRAIN tank. It’s officially my favourite shirt. You can get one too! Clicky clicky!My Brain Hates Me wearing MONSTER BRAIN tank and Cefaly

It Hurts to Do Anything, Might As Well Do Someting

I’ve been in 9-10 level pain hell for the past two days with no dips back down to 8 where I have uncomfortably hovered for the past 6 months. Nothing I do makes it feel better, but nothing seems to be making it worse.

My attempt at productivity today has been a tad successful. Every 15-30 minutes or so I sit up, do a thing on the computer that takes maybe 2 minutes tops, and then curl back into a ball.

However, I don’t know what the quality of said productivity is, because I’m looking at the screen with my left eye closed and my right eye squinting. Bed rest is absolutely the best thing for me right now. But bed rest is ALL I DO ALL OF THE TIME.

Bed rest is boring.

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t stand to listen to anything today. Between the nausea and the light sensitivity I just want to cut my head off.

Is cutting my head off productive? I don’t believe it is. But I could be wrong about that.

Stay cheery, Brain Victims

Cefaly Review & Treatment Session [Video] – My Brain Hates Me

As promised! Here is an extra long video in which I go through an entire treatment session and share my thoughts about the Cefaly device.

 

To see the Cefaly Unboxing click here!