Crying is the body’s way to relieve stress during times of anxiety. When I go through periods when I feel like I have to cry all of the time it means that I’m experiencing a lot of pain, and then stress and anxiety resulting from that pain.
The past several days have been very difficult. I don’t want to describe it as depression because it feels different than that. “Despair” is far more appropriate. I have had to cancel plans, beg off of events, and miss out on important milestones in my son’s life over the past two years because of my neurological condition, and in the past four days I’ve missed out on all of those things. It’s like an amplified level of guilt and distress over the burden that I am on my family.
Today, my husband went into our bedroom to take a nap and I was concerned that he was upset with me over all of the crying and general level of neediness I’ve exhibited all weekend. He simply asked if he could take some time to rest without having to pet or coddle me. This made me feel infinitely worse.
No, I’m not a burden, and no, my husband isn’t exasperated by my current emotional state. Yes, I’m in a bad place. Yes, it is fueled by worry that I won’t be able to do very much, if anything at all, for Thanksgiving for my family. Yes, my emotional… aura… or atmosphere… or whatever… negatively influences my husband’s mood and exhausts him emotionally. Yes, we as a family are still learning to take care of one another.
I let him sleep. I cried more. I clung to an ice pack for a while.
We ate dinner.
I’ll cry more and eventually sleep and hopefully this feeling will go away tomorrow.
Crying is the body’s way to relieve stress during times of anxiety. It is better to let the body cry than to try to hold it in.
It’s only been three days. Perhaps, I’m not really letting go yet.