Sometimes you hurt so badly that you wonder, “Why?”
Why am I being punished? Why would God let me suffer like this? What have I done to deserve this?
I’m not being punished. This is happening for a reason, but I didn’t do anything to deserve it.
At two in the morning I woke my husband up with my crying. I asked those questions. I wanted to know why, and I sobbed for a while.
Reasonably I know that there is no fault involved with my condition, other than, perhaps, the doctors who failed to act quickly with proper treatments… but, as I’ve said before, how could they have known?
When we hurt we want there to be a reason. We want someone or something to answer for our pain. We want to be angry about it. We don’t want to accept it. We shouldn’t have to accept it.
My pain is not my fault. Rinse. Repeat.