Why God Hates Me, and Other Glories

Sometimes you hurt so badly that you wonder, “Why?”

Why am I being punished? Why would God let me suffer like this? What have I done to deserve this?

I’m not being punished. This is happening for a reason, but I didn’t do anything to deserve it.

At two in the morning I woke my husband up with my crying. I asked those questions. I wanted to know why, and I sobbed for a while.

Reasonably I know that there is no fault involved with my condition, other than, perhaps, the doctors who failed to act quickly with proper treatments… but, as I’ve said before, how could they have known?

When we hurt we want there to be a reason. We want someone or something to answer for our pain. We want to be angry about it. We don’t want to accept it. We shouldn’t have to accept it.

My pain is not my fault. Rinse. Repeat.


2 thoughts on “Why God Hates Me, and Other Glories

  1. awww. I have done that, when the pain was just too much, given up and just let tears flow. Sometimes cold helps, sometimes warm. I haven’t figured this out yet, a cool compress feels good, until the water starts to slowly trickle down my face, then I want to toss the cloth through a wall. Sometimes a shower, letting a hard flow of water massage the top of my head helps, the hot water. But I need to stay in so long, it is not fair to my room mates.

    Sometimes I give up and the tears start. That always makes it worse though.


    it is never your fault, ever ever ever.



    • Ice packs wrapped in pillow cases or washcloths are my best friends. I take hot baths, but can’t stand to have water run over my scalp. I’ve been taking showers recently for brevity, an I tilt my head back as far as I can so the water isn’t beating against my skin.

      Crying always makes it worse. But it’s so hard to hold it in. In the middle of the night, when it’s late and I’m the only one awake… and I hurt… it’s the loneliest feeling in the world.



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