A More Accurate Pain Scale | Hyperbole and a Half

Hyperbole and a Half has come up with a more accurate pain scale:

Hyperbole and a Half: Boyfriend Doesnt Have Ebola. Probably.

Hyperbole and a Half: Boyfriend Doesnt Have Ebola. Probably.

(c)2009-2013 Allie Brosch

 “None of that is medically useful and it doesn’t even have all the numbers, so I made a better one with all the numbers:0:  Hi.  I am not experiencing any pain at all.  I dont know why Im even here.

1:  I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2:  I probably just need a Band Aid.

3:  This is distressing.  I dont want this to be happening to me at all.

4:  My pain is not fucking around.

5:  Why is this happening to me??

6:  Ow.  Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7:  I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.   

8:  I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain.  I might actually be dying.  Please help.

9:  I am almost definitely dying.

10:  I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

Too Serious For Numbers:  You probably have ebola.  It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.”

via Hyperbole and a Half: Boyfriend Doesnt Have Ebola. Probably..


11 thoughts on “A More Accurate Pain Scale | Hyperbole and a Half

  1. I rated mine from 1 to 8… well 1 to 10 but an 8 for me was the worst, but I left room. With an 8 I cant function, I just cry. 7 is not much better.

    I havent had an 8 for a couple of years thankfully. I can go a month with one at times, sometimes low level with spikes. blech. Sometimes longer. Most last a few days to a week and then leave.

    By my left eye is the worst one for me. They are the ones that can go to an 8. I tell people I hate migraines, they look at me like I am being silly.. of course who would like one… but You Don’t really know.. until you have bad ones for a long time.

    I truly feel for you to suffer with a 7 all the time. gawds.

    so, I am sure, because I underwent test after test, with no result, have you as well?

    non traceable medical sources for Migraines too, can be depression. Not that the migraine causes depression, but the reverse. Stress too of course, but that is a trigger, not a constant source.

    So.. another so.. is it possible for you that depression could be the cause?

    Do you have migraine aura as well?

    *hugs* I so wish you didn’t have a 7 all the time, how do you cope?



    • I wasn’t depressed when this hit, and I’ve done a really good job of staying positive. I have had depression issues all my life, but typically my migraines amp up during times when I’m just happily chugging along. Originally it was thought that migraines had started up again in 2012 because of an IUD, but that theory didn’t hold water given the timing. When the IUD was removed, the pain didn’t stop. I have had a lot of fun tests, the spinal tap being my least fave. My doctor says it could just stop as suddenly as it started. Her current theory is that the “preventative” medications they started me on last year have been a hinderance and not a help.

      I have a headache specialist and am going to the Jefferson Headache Clinic in Pennsylvania this July.

      I don’t get aura as frequently as I get tinnitus. My two biggest issues are light sensitivity and nausea. I live nauseous. Because this is unlike any migraine issue I had ever had before July 21, 2012 I don’t think of it as one of my migraines. I call it Monster Migraine because status migrainosus is the diagnosis, but my neuro explains it as my brain just being really confused about something. My brain things my left eye is being ripped out of my head. Surprise, brain! It’s not. You can totally stop any time!!

      Honestly, my ukulele is my best friend. I listen to TV as opposed to watching it. I started this blog as a quick way to vent, document symptoms, complain about medications and doctors. It’s kind of therapeutic. I don’t have friends or close relationships with family outside my household so… it’s just all about distraction and ice packs and staying hopeful. Things became a LOT easier when my insurance company stopped being mean.


      • Tinnitus is soooo annoying. Light and noise I can’t take when I have one. I have had swimming vision and spots, I get really cold, dizzy sometimes.

        My left eye, when it is there, feels the same way. I should be cheering you up instead of complaining, I just really understand what you are suffering with.

        So, perhaps this will help? I had them really bad a few years ago, they were almost non stop, many 8’s. I still get bouts of them, but can go months with nothing at all.

        often, meds will work at first, after that they can cause them.

        nods, you vent, I will listen. 🙂 Venting is good, if you keep it all in your head will explode. no not a pun… though it feels that ways sometimes.


      • I get cold too! I take the hottest of baths then bundle up under the covers with a towel still on my head. Helps for some reason.

        We migraineurs have to stick together. When I’ve been to the hospital for my infusion treatments it is funny how the nurses ask questions if they’ve never had a migraine. The ones who have had even one in their life just go, “I hope it ends soon!”

        It’s like people who like olives and who don’t like olives… two different worlds.

        You’re the first person I’ve met who gets cold too! Yay! Well.. not yay. You know what I mean. Yay, I’m not crazy, not yay… you get migraines and your body does weird stuff too… that’s a big not yay.


      • I asked my dr about it once, why I was shivering on a day that was so hot, he said intense pain can do that, make you cold.

        oh, I love olives, lol.

        People that don’t get migraines have no idea. They think it is a headache…. blech. if only.

        I haven’t had one for a week now. I wish you could go spells without them.


    • You too! Unfortunately, my condition causes constant migraine pain around my left eye. I am rarely below a 7 with my pain on a 1-10 scale. I like this scale because it has upward options. 9/10 days are the days I have to take a lot of pain medication and use ice packs and stay in bed. 7ish is a functional day for me, bedrest… but I can fold clothes and make dinner. Thank the Lord for Mother’s Day I’ve been granted a 6, but I overextended a bit. It was worth it though. Good family time. 🙂 Status Migrainosus is the most evil migraine condition I’ve ever experienced. 9 months of constant, chronic pain.


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