It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like NIGHTMARES

So…

My son’s Christmas concert is tonight and I’m very excited to see him play (stand-up bass) but I’m utterly dreading the whole ordeal. The idea of getting dressed and sitting through two and a half hours of middle schoolers playing and singing loudly and slightly off key just horrifies me. I’m trying to time out my pain and anti-nausea medications carefully today. I just hate that everything we do centers around my stupid head.

And…

I feel officially alone with all of it. I think my husband’s overwhelmed. I think he is so wrought with worry and despair that he just can’t deal with any of it right now. He actually let me make dinner and do dishes last night. He just sat there, despondent.I’ve put on a smile and stayed as strong as I can, but now I can’t be in the same room with him without crying. It’s bad enough that I’m in pain and EVERYTHING that could go wrong with my medical care and insurance has gone wrong, but now there aren’t those happy little family moments to help me through it.

How can I get through this without some joy? I have to stay positive, being negative doesn’t heal people… not my head, nor his worries and heavy heart.

Therefore…

I’m just doing the best I can.
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